Thursday, May 18, 2006

the beginning of the end

As I type this entry Jay is putting Sadie to bed. Without me. Without nursing.

I'm still not sure what I feel; we've been at this for 20 months now and that's a pretty long run. Sadie took to nursing like it was her only passion plus she has a milk allergy which made extended nursing almost compulsory. But for the last little while there have been times when I resent not being able to get in the house after work without my shirt being pulled in all directions. Or that I keep getting to work later and later as her morning feeds get longer and longer. Or that I forget what it's like to have my body to myself, keeping my chest as more of a mystery to strangers. Sure, gone will be the days where we could count on the backup nutrition of breastmilk, but hey, we are parents now and we should get a handle on feeding Sadie a balanced diet (well, avoiding milk and eggs isn't so easy...we're working on it). Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade this whole experience for anything in the world. We're taking it slow, but it's just that tonight is the night.

The beginning of the end.


mamaloo said... [Reply to comment]

I know how you are feeling. I weaned Kieran at 22mths. My motivation was that I was pregnant again and my breasts were so sensitive, nursing was becoming torture. I found myself resenting nursing and feeling impatient and less than charitable towards my son when he was particularly needy. It only took a couple of days of pushing his evening nurse back so far that he'd fall asleep first and that was the end of that.

Well the pregnancy never took and now, nearly a year later, while I like having my body to myself, I sorely miss that magical time my son and I had together.

lamb-things said... [Reply to comment]

oh samantha, what a beautiful picture of sadie.........and I know it's hard about the nursing, but it will work out....just hang in. It's hard but it will give you more freedom.

creativecatrinka said... [Reply to comment]

What a precious little lamb!
The eye lashes are unbelievable.
love, light and hope always.

elizabooth said... [Reply to comment]

Sam, that photo breaks my heart. I'm crying over the fact that I'm only going to know Sadie through your blog now that we're moving.

Best of luck with the W-word. We're starting to try, but with all of our hoopla it's going to be a long road. I'm sure if we're gentle with these little girls they'll get there just fine.

Tracy said... [Reply to comment]

weaning is full of mixed emotions but it sounds like you are all ready for it.

the pic is so darling!

swan-artegan said... [Reply to comment]

Oh Sam! I know how your heart must hurt right now. You've done an amazing job with Sadie so far and I'm sure you'll get past this too in the best way possible. Sadie looks like an angel in the pic.

Heather said... [Reply to comment]

man!! reading this made me sad. Just in the last 2 weeks my 20 mth old has been weaned. I miss her getting in bed with me in the morning and nursing. I haven't been real emotional about it, but now that I'm reading your post, and thinking and typing, I realize that it's over, will not happen again, no going back....ah I'm going to have a little cry now.